There are a lot of articles on the internet relating to break-ups. The pain a person feels during a break up can be excruciating and debilitating. We, as human beings, are not built to remain in a state of pain. So, we go online looking for information to help alleviate the pain we feel. However, most advice is generic and deals with break-ups as a universal thing that can be handled by “getting back out there” or taking care of yourself. For married affair survivors, this doesn’t work. There is no “getting back out there” because you are already in a committed relationship. The last thing you want to do is get involved in another impossible, heart-wrenching situation. Taking care of yourself also is a challenge, because you are probably so spent taking care of your family and harboring the stress of the affair break-up that you feel unable to function.
What is a person to do? How can you move on? There are a few steps that must be taken to truly break free and move on.
End all contact with your affair partner.
You have probably read this before and have not yet taken a stand for yourself or your marriage. Whether your partner is leaving you or whether you want to leave your partner, it is critical that you make the break and stick to it. This is a hard and unfortunate reality. There is no way around it. Don’t waste time pondering solutions or trying to come up with schedules. Don’t try to be friends. You have to end communication even if that means canceling email accounts and changing your phone number. Delaying this step will prevent you from recovering and regaining control of your life. If this critical step is something you are not willing to do, then you must accept the consequences of being in the affair. Those consequences include feeling brokenhearted on a daily basis.
Get a coach or therapist.
You need a trained person to guide you through this transition. Don’t try to do it on your own. There is a reason you are in this mess, and it is not because your affair partner is the most wonderful person on earth. It is because you have problems in your primary relationship, you have unresolved childhood trauma, or you have some other issue. You need to work with a trained professional. Broken Heart RX has a network of certified therapists trained in love addiction and break up grief treatment. There is no better resource available. Make sure that you are working with someone certified or you could spend a lot of time and money with the wrong therapist and prolong your agony.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Once the fog lifts and you can see that the sun actually will shine tomorrow, this step will become easier. You have to take control of your life. You cannot choose to be a slave to this heart-wrenching, miserable situation. There is a reason that you and your partner are not married to each other. Once you have mastered Step 1 and you have support with Step 2, you will see that choosing to be happy is possible.