On the Rebound – Should You Be Dating Or Maybe Just Introspective?

Danger – Will Robinson, dating on the rebound is a huge no-no!  Unless you enjoy crushing people’s hearts, rebound dating generally leads nowhere but disaster.  Seriously, get the thought out of your head.  Rebound dating, for anyone who doesn’t know, is dating someone shortly after getting out of a relationship, or marriage.  I have heard people also define dating someone while still involved in a relationship but emotionally non-attached as rebound dating.  I call that for what it is, cheating.  Rebound dating is after a serious relationship ends.  Rebound dating is not after someone has just dated some one for a short time; it is when someone starts dating shortly after leaving a committed relationship where there was a serious emotional and loving bond. 

After leaving a serious relationship, one has a lot of adjusting to do that cannot be done in just a few weeks or even months sometimes.  Sometimes it can take years to be emotionally stable to take on a new relationship.  When you jump from one relationship to the next you do not give yourself the necessary healing time needed to be a healthy partner for a new person in your life.  You may jump for the wrong reasons, such as feeling a void, revenge, or the misconception that it is the only way you can move on with your life.  Some people quickly jump into a new relationship simply because they do not know how to live without one.  A rebound relationship is only a quick fix, a cover for the real reason you jumped, either out of being broken hearted and trying to mend the broken heart, to feel acceptance again, scared of being alone, or revenge, etc.  None are truly healthy reasons.  It is not until you can fix the underlying reasons making you want to jump into a new relationship that you will be healthy enough to start a real and meaningful one. 

A rebound relationship may serve a purpose, but at what and whose expense?  Are you really out looking to end up having someone feel the way you are right now?  It is understandable that one may feel like they wasted the previous years in a bad relationship and want to make up for lost time, however by jumping too soon you will find yourself jumping again and again until it is a mad vicious cycle.  You will begin to wonder why it is you cannot maintain a relationship.  The reason will be was because you did not allow the initial wound to heal.  A new relationship cannot heal old wounds; just cover them momentarily while they continue to fester underneath. 

The person in who you jump into a relationship with who you are bound to hurt will be left feeling used as well.  You will be inflicting on them the same wounds you yourself need to be healing.  By you telling them you are sorry, you just wasn’t as ready as you thought you were when breaking it off doesn’t help that person heal.  You need to take the time, feel the pain and the emotions that come with any break from a serious relationship, work through them and only then consider dating.  Painful emotions don’t kill, but if they are not dealt they will end up not only hurting you deeper in the long run leaving a trail of destruction along the way. 

Rebounding can be a quick fix; however, as said before, it really cures nothing.  To avoid falling into the trap of jumping into another relationship shortly after a break take time to get to know you again.  A good rule of thumb is after ending any serious emotional relationship is to give yourself one year before you consider dating.  This gives you a healthy healing time.  Be honest with yourself; take accountability for actions that may have led to the break in your previous relationship and make the necessary changes as deemed fit. 

On the other side of the spectrum, if you are in a relationship with someone and feel like you may be the reboundie use caution.  Do not get too emotionally attached.  Rebounders can come off strong and seem like the perfect person.  They may use you to try to show that they are worthy of love an attention, and by all rights they are, but they are not emotionally ready to give it the way it really should be given.  If you are looking for a long-term relationship, do not look for it in a person who is on the rebound.  Although they may present as if that is what they are after, once the newness wears off and their pain has subsided some from their initial break, so will the rebound relationship. 

There are a few signs that will indicate if you are caught up in a rebound relationship other then the obvious that you just came recently out of a long-term relationship.  You may connect really fast to the new partner.  A rebounder is quicker to jump into a relationship with someone who is similar to their ex in traits or looks so if your new partner reminds you or feel familiar more then likely you are in a rebound relationship. 

If you find yourself quickly thinking they are the one without really getting to know them on a deeper level, you are in a rebound relationship.  When you are in a relationship yet do not care for many of their behaviors but stay because being any relationship is better then being alone, you are in a rebound relationship.  If you find yourself acting out of your normal character with the new partner, you are more then likely in a rebound relationship.  If you are looking constantly for signals that they may be planning to leave you, questioning their sincerity, or thinking they are cheating on you with no real cause, you are in a rebound relationship.  All these signs show that you yourself have not healed from your previous break. 

On the other side of the spectrum, if you are in a relationship with someone and feel like you may be the “reboundie” use caution.  Do not get too emotionally attached.  Rebounders can come off strong and seem like the perfect person.  They may use you to try to show that they are worthy of love an attention, and by all rights they are, but they are not emotionally ready to give it the way it really should be given.  If you are looking for a long-term relationship, do not look for it in a person who is on the rebound.  Although they may present as if that is what they are after, once the newness wears off and their pain has subsided some from their initial break, so will the rebound relationship.



Source by Julissa De Mayo

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