With Suitor #1, he and I talked via text and on the phone a lot. Then when we met in person, there wasn’t any chemistry. A friend told me next time to not talk with the guy so much. That way there wouldn’t be expectations. So I decided to try this tactic, because at this point, I’m willing to try just about anything to see if it works. This suitor (who happens to have the same name as the last guy) and I met when he sent me an email through an online dating site. After my initial response, he replied it was pointless to continue conversing through email and wanted to start texting. I’m always a little hesitant when someone wants to discontinue emailing that quickly. Last year, a guy wanted to instant message quickly after our initial email, and I agreed to it. We were chatting this way frequently for about a week. Then he said he was in Europe, lost his wallet, and needed me to send him money… from a guy I had never even seen or met. This was a red flag for me, and I knew right then it was a scam, which may be why I’m hesitant to discontinue emailing so quickly now.
After a few more emails with suitor 2, I decide we can start texting. We do just a bit, which is perfect because I am trying this new tactic of not conversing too much before meeting. In one text message, he asks if I can forgo all other conversations with anyone else until we meet, because he wants my undivided attention. He says that in today’s time of online dating, people are talking with 50 people at the same time and easily jumping to someone better. He thinks the only way to tell if you can really connect with someone is to give them your undivided attention. Again, I’m hesitant. I don’t know much about this guy. I’m not really jumping up and down over him, and I don’t want to miss an opportunity to find the right guy for me by doing this. On the other hand, I want to respect this guy in case he is the right guy for me… but something within me just isn’t sitting right. I can’t put my finger on it, but I agree to his terms anyways.
A couple days later, we talk briefly on the phone. During the conversation, like clockwork, he asks about my son’s father. I tell him how he isn’t in the picture, and he says (as most people do), “I’m sorry.”
I reply, “Everyone says that, but don’t be. I’m… “
He interrupts me, “I’m not sorry for the reason you might think. I’m sorry that he has a son and doesn’t want to be a part of his life.”
“Okay, but don’t be sorry. We are well, and my son deserves better than that.”
As we continue the conversation, he continues to interrupt me several other times. This is one of my pet peeves, (hey, we all have them right–this is one of mine) and it just keeps bugging me. I hold my composure, and we get off the phone. I think about our conversation, and say to myself, He is a nice guy, but something is just off. I should be excited, because he’s eager to meet me. He says I’m beautiful. He wants to find his spouse and have kids. Why am I not more excited? I’m so blasé’ about it.
It’s date night, and there is snow (or should I say ice) on the ground. My first instinct is to cancel, but I decide to wait to see if any of it melts. He texts me midday, and I text back that the streets aren’t good. He says we should see how the roads develop throughout the day.
I reply, “I’m not going to risk taking my son to the sitter if they don’t get better.”
It’s mid afternoon, and he says, “The roads are clear and look good, YAY!” So I believe him.
I have a sitter at my house, so I don’t have to drive my son anywhere and agree to keep the date. I go outside to start my car and see the snow piled all over the front of it. It takes me 15 minutes to defrost and clear my windshield. As I drive 5 mph (no kidding) through the neighborhood, I’m hoping the main roads look better. I call him to let him know the roads are bad, and he agrees to meet me closer to where I live. I continue driving. Even at 10 mph on the main roads, my car skids a bit, and I realize this was a stupid decision, especially for a date with someone I’m not that excited about.
After an hour long ride, which usually takes 20 minutes, I finally arrive at the restaurant, and they are closed. I call him, and we agree to go to the opened restaurant next door. I’m already frustrated and annoyed the roads were so bad, it took me so long to get here, and I went against my better judgment to meet him. It’s not his fault, because I’m the one who didn’t cancel. As I wait for him, I make a conscious effort to change my mood to ensure the date isn’t a flop before it even begins. Because if I meet him being annoyed and frustrated, the date will fail no matter how great he might be.
He meets me at the front door, and we sit in the bar area (why do guys like to sit in the bar area so much?). We are only there a few minutes when he brings up the subject of my son’s father again. He asks how long we went out.
I reply, “Gosh, I love that question.”
He says (I think trying to be funny), “Why? Did you meet him at a bus stop and have a one-time fling?”
I fake laugh and say, “No, I sure didn’t” (Even though people do get pregnant from one time flings, and I don’t believe in judging people on that).
Then he continues his questions, as though I’m on the hot seat… what happened between us, is he is paying child support, what rights does he have, etc. After answering all of these questions, he then says in a serious non-joking tone, “I may be throwing myself under the bus, but are you sure he is the father? I mean you could have been at a party and hooked up with five guys.”
Shocked (and not exactly sure what he’s saying about me) I reply, “Yes, I’m absolutely sure.”
Then I finally figure it out… the thing that I couldn’t put my finger on before. The thing that wasn’t sitting quite right with me. The thing that kept me from getting excited, because by what he was saying before the date (I’m beautiful, he wants to get married and have kids, that he’s excited to meet me, that this could be something really great) I should’ve been excited. I finally, finally realize what was standing in my way… THAT.
That thing that he was waiting to get out. That thing that he really wanted to ask or say. That thing that my instinct knew was present. That “are you sure he is the father?” Because who really says that to someone they just met for the first time? Because who is really that tacky, classless, or tasteless to really say that? Oh, that would be suitor #2.
So at the end of our hour long dinner, when he asks, “Do you want to do something else or sit here and talk or do you need to get home?”
I ask the time, as though I’m thinking about my answer even though I’m not.
He says, “It’s 8:45,”
My reply “Oh I should get home,” couldn’t have come quick enough.
So, Chuck Woolery, we don’t need to come back in “2 and 2,” because there was no love connection.
I know this quest for finding love may take some time. Being 39, I feel I’ve been patient, but apparently HE has other plans for me. I know when the time is right, I will find the man for me. In the meantime, I will continue to put myself out there and willingly meet frogs and probably some toads until I find the one for me… because I know the one will be worth every minute of toadiness. Yes, I just made up that word.
So, here’s to another day and another date. Who’s next?