The very nature of the swingers lifestyle requires that couples practicing this way of life or those contemplating it constantly evaluate what works for their relationship. Becoming intimate with people outside of the partnership can bring to fore issues of jealousy, security and maybe even inadequacy that must be addressed by both partners. Only couples who have dealt with and removed these issues can hope to have a healthy swinging relationship.
Typically couples new to the swinging lifestyle begin with a soft swap with another couple. A soft swap is when partners are swapped for various forms of foreplay but anything beyond that is done with ones own partner. Even when the couple agrees to move beyond a soft swap, it is generally done with another couple or woman and rarely with a single man. Why is this? What is it about a single man that makes a lot of couples in the swinging lifestyle so uncomfortable?
There are a couple of reasons why a single male may be left on the outside looking in. One is that two couples that click with each other probably have a lot in common outside of the lifestyle. Just as it is in other aspects of our life it is easier to advance a relationship with people that you like and have similar interests with. Once that foundation is laid, the chances of moving on to become intimate greatly increase. The single man does not have as much of an opportunity to build this kind of relationship with a couple. The male of the couple is looking at a possible sexual rival and the woman could see herself as prey. Although it is not impossible to overcome this, it is certainly more difficult than the friendly platonic start a couple to couple relationship often enjoys. The other issue is the relationship risk involved. With two couples, both the men and the women understand they are potentially going to offer up their partner in a sexual sense. They all share the same opportunity for a thrilling experience and the same risk. A single man is not really risking anything. It could be said that he has little or no “skin in the game” (no pun intended). Most of us frown on playing poker with some one who wants to win our money but does not risk any of their own. The single women at least has the possibility of building a non threatening relationship with the female of the couple. This is an advantage the single male does not have.
So where does this leave the single man who has chosen the lifestyle as way of life? The good news is that it is not as bad as it may sound. The not so good news is that a single man will have to invest a lot more of himself than his female and couple counterparts if he hopes to have a fulfilling life as a swinger.
Here are a three suggestions for single men in the swinging lifestyle:
Suggestion 1 – Its not about sex
As a single man your approach and attitude play a more important role in finding lifestyle partners than any other factor. The swinging community is made up of people who have what could be called a non traditional lifestyle and look for friends who have chosen a similar lifestyle. The key word in the last sentence is “friends”. A swinging couple is just as unlikely to have an intimate relationship with some one they do not like as any other person is.
If given the opportunity to mingle with swingers the single man should look first and foremost to find people he clicks with and begin to make friends with them. This has nothing to so with sex or swinging and is no different than how one would normally act in any other social situation. Talking, laughing and sharing a little information about himself is the best way to begin to break down some of the barriers mentioned earlier in this article.
Suggestion 2 – Its about their relationship
If the single male has managed to follow suggestion one there is no doubt that over the course of time he will make an impression on some couples that click with his personality. They will notice and some will contact him wanting to get to know him better. It is critical to remember that this situation came about because a couple was looking for something to enhance their relationship. By stressing and and demonstrating his respect respect for and deference to this relationship the single male can begin to earn the type of trust that can lead to more intimate encounters.
Suggestion 3 – Its never about you
The beginning of the end of this type of encounter is often when the single male begins to believe that his desires are a priority and that he is in the drivers seat. Forgetting to display the type of friendship that allowed the relationship to progress to this point can ruin a situation that was working for everyone.
It is possible to be a single male swinger and there are many men around the world that have managed to become a welcome part of their lifestyle communities. If the single man looking at swinging as his chosen lifestyle remembers the dynamics of the people and relationships involved, there is no reason why it cannot be a very thrilling and exciting lifestyle choice.